have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
