My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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