she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize