If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
