Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
