imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
