In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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