did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Randomize
