last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
