Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
