so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
