3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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