I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
