my mouth tastes like poor choices
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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