its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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