walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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