We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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