I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize