i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and she was petting her beer can
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Randomize
