Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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