Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
