Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
