I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
