Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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