they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
