My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Randomize
