Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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