Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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