i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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