She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize