I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
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a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
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I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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