I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
