Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
