I feel like I'm in dance class right now
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
