we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
