Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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