you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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