Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
