I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
