so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
