so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
