My first STD was from a foam party
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
