i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
