He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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