He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
