So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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