So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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