the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
FUCK WHALES
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
