dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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