I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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