Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
