i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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