I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
