If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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