I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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