Whod you bang
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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