Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
If I die, sorry about rent.
So vagazzling was a success
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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