I want to stick my p in your. b.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
