so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
