WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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