Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
