Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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