We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
