I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
How external is "for external use only"?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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