Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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