THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
