Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I think I just sharted jello shots
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
