My room smells like vodka and shame
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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