If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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