Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize