my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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