Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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