i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
