I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
